Shower Jokes / Recent Jokes

I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.

The football coach noticed that his star tackler, Bubba had so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle all of them.
So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret?"
Bubba replies, "Well, Coach, whenever I'm about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw'em forever!"
The coach went home early one day and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on the dresser.
His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, "That you Bubba?"

What's the difference between a blonde and a shower? The shower has to be turned on before it gets wet.

There were 7 dwarfs in a shower all feeling happy, but then happy got out so they started feeling grumpy instead!

Cat Lover or not, this is hysterical!
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I more...

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I `ll give you $800 to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2:
A priest more...

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see husband along the way, ignore juvenile "turban-head" jokes and run to bathroom.

3. Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you're getting.

4. Turn on hot water only.

5. Get in the shower, once you've found it through all the steam.

6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

7. Wash hair once with cucumber and lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

8. Rinse hair. Condition your hair with cucumber and lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

9. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw.

10. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger more...