Sign Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sign on an electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.
Maternity Clothes Shop:
We are open on labor day.
On a Front Door:
Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
On a Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push"
Non-smoking area:
If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action
Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
Scientist's Door:
Gone Fission
Taxidermist Window:
We really know our stuff.
Podiatrist's Window:
Time wounds all heels.
Sign on Fence:
Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.
Hotel:
Help! We need inn - experienced people.
Butcher's Window:
Pleased to meat you.
Sign more...
two blondes were driving to disneyland. when they came to a fork in the road, a sign said disneyland left. so they went home
What did the sign at the movie theater in Alabama say?
"Children under thirteen not admitted unless accompanied by their husbands"
Sign in a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop." Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a `long` little doggie!" Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want."Sign on a music library's door: "Bach in a minuet." Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12"A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow."Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong)." Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 208-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'.
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing more...
TRAVELLER'S TALES
IN THE LOBBY OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A RUSSIAN ORTHODOX MONASTERY:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS:
"Visitors are expected to complain at the officebetween the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily."
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
IN A BANGKOK DRY CLEANER'S:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE:
Ladies are requested not to have childrenin the bar.
AT A BUDAPEST ZOO:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have anysuitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
IN A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN TOURIST AGENCY:
Take one of our horse-driven citytours. We guarantee no more...