"Actual Funny Signs" joke

Sign on an electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.
Maternity Clothes Shop:
We are open on labor day.
On a Front Door:
Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
On a Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push"
Non-smoking area:
If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action
Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
Scientist's Door:
Gone Fission
Taxidermist Window:
We really know our stuff.
Podiatrist's Window:
Time wounds all heels.
Sign on Fence:
Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.

Hotel:
Help! We need inn - experienced people.

Butcher's Window:
Pleased to meat you.

Sign in an office:
We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.

Veterinarians Waiting Room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

The Electric Company:
We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.

Beauty Shop:
Dye now!

Garbage Truck:
We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Computer Store:
Out for a quick byte

Diner Window:
Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.

Bowling Alley:
Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

Cafeteria:
Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.

Music Library:
Bach in a minuet.

Funeral Home:
Drive carefully, we'll wait.