Sign Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two doctors opened an office in a small town, and put up a sign reading "Dr. Greene and Dr. Turner, Psychiatry and Proctology".
The town council wasn't happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors".
This was unacceptable too, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." Still no go.
Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics". Thumbs down again.
Then came "Manic-depressives and Anal Retentives". Still no good.
How about "Minds and Behinds"? Once more, unacceptable.
Next they tried, "Lost Souls and Ass Holes". Still no go.
They even tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", "Freaks and Cheeks" and "Loons and Moons", all of which were also unacceptable.
Nearing their wit's ends, the doctors finally came up with a business slogan they thought might be more...
A deaf couple are on their honeymoon. The husband asks the wife in sign language "Honey, how would I tell you when I want to have sex?".
The wife replies in sign language, "if you want have sex bite my right nipple once, if you don't want to have sex bite my left nipple twice".
Agreeing with this, the wife asks the same question to the husband.
The husband replies "Honey, if you want to have sex pull my penis once, if you don't want to have sex pull penis 27 times".
10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"
8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
7. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.
6. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.
5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.
4. You introduce your wife as "my
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it " and refer to your children as "client applications".
3. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".
2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so colon-right parentheses!"
And the more...
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a German shepperd. The shopkeeper, replies that it will cost him $500. The man thinks for a minute, then asks how much a beware of dog sign costs. The shopkeeper calmly replies that it costs a whopping $1.98. The man thinks for a while longer, and asks for a beware of dog sign.
You Might Be Addicted to AOL if........ Tech Support calls "You" for help...... Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL..... You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other...... You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"..... you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's..... you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"..... you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it..... you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences..... you begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing..... when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"..... you sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep...... you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own family's...... you lie to others about your time on-line and when they more...
1.) Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
2.) A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
3.) Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
4.) For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
5.) Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
6.) Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
7.) Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
8.) Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
9.) We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
10.) Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
11.) Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
12.) Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or more...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to the Seattle airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position?
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the more...