Sign Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, 10 Miles.
He thinks it's a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, Next Right.
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: Sisters of St. Francis.
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?".
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me."
He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, instructs, more...
The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs became somewhat lost in the english translation. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 & 11 am daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel for skiers: Not to more...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday
when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft`s electronic navigation and communications
equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could
not determine the helicopter`s position and course to
steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,
drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the
helicopter`s window. The pilot`s sign said
"WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the
aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a
building window.
Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined
the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the
pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER"
sign helped determine their position.
The more...
This man comes to the Pearly Gates and is a little confused as to whereto report to God to get a determination on Heaven or Hell. He sees one sign that says: "For Women" and then notices a sign that says: "For Men."
As he approaches the aisle for men, he sees one window with a sign: "For men who were dominated by women in life". The line of men standing in that line was very long.
Then he saw another sign that said: "For men who dominated women." He went to the second window and was the only one in the line.
At the window, God approached him and remarked, "Wow, I have not had a man stand in this line for over a hundred years - you must be a tough person."
"Well no," he replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. ''Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives,'' she spoke wisely. ''I agree completely, ma'am,'' the man replied. The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. ''This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship.'' ''That's a great idea, miss,'' the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share. ''I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?'' ''No, thanks,'' came the reply. ''I'll just wait on the cops to get here.''
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car." Signs and notices 06
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.Sign in a realtor's office: "Lots for little." Sign in a shoe store: "Come in and have a fit." Sign in a maternity clothes store: "We are open on labor day."
Sheldon Scheney sent me this article in response to my post about the competition between San Jose's Mayor's office and San Jose's Police department as to which was funnier.
I had heard about the drug lord wedding sting. I always enjoy a good sting. The pawn shop sting was used successfully in Washington DC a few years ago. One of my favorites, if not quite a sting, was back when truckers were forming convoys to scoff the 55 mile an hour speed limit. Maryland State Police had an 18 wheeler they had confiscated hauling something illegal, so they used it as an unmarked police car. It would infiltrate convoys, identify the trucks, one by one as it either passed them or was passed by them, then the whole convoy was stopped and everybody ticketed.
Another I enjoyed was last December as I was driving up route 95 - a favorite highway up the east coast from Florida past many east coast cities like Washington, Baltimore, Philadelphia, New York, heavily used by drug traffickers and more...