Sign Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
"Two Prostitutes - $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled... "Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:
"Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter - $50.00."
Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."Sign on the door of the maternity ward: "Push Push Push." Sign at entrance of the IRS: "Watch your step." Sign at the exit of the IRS: "Watch your mouth." Sign in a bookstore: "We treat you write." Sign on a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." Sign on a scientist's door: "Gone fission." Sign in a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt
to lose weight? He tries the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers,
etc. And none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small
ad which read: Lose weight $1.00 a pound. And it simply listed a telephone
number.
Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked,
'How much weight do you want to lose?' to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, put your check in the mail and we'll have a
representative over to your house in the morning.'
About 9:00 the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. Here stands a
beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck
stating, 'If you catch me you can screw me.' Well the overweight fellow chased
her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house.
Finally he did catch her more...
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car
which said: "Two Prostitutes - $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go
to jail.Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES"One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't stop them?""Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled "Their sign
pertains to religion."So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and
drove off.The following day found the same police officer in the area when he
noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car
again.Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he
noticed the new sign which now read:"Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter - $50.00."
I saw an article today under the headline 10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Lying. But I was groggy when I first read it and thought the last word was Dying.
Wouldn't that have been a fun article If I read that correctly:
SIGN 1: He cancels plans with you because he's been coughing up blood for 2 days straight.
SIGN 2: He spends less time with you than with a Hospice...
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels." Sign in a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs." Sign on used car lot: "Second hand cars in first crash condition." Sign on fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive." Sign in a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Sign over a cannibal's hut: "I never met a man I didn't like." Sign in a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming." Sign at a hotel. "Help! We need inn-experienced people."