Silk Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man called home to his wife and said,' Darling, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up'' Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas.'
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said,' Yes! Lots of salmons, some bluegills, and a few swordfishes. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?'
You'll love the answer, folks......
The wife replied,' I did, dear. They're in your fishing box!
Submitted by Jim Porter
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck? Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn? t know how? Well, now you can!
Just follow these instructions. Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That? s all you will need to start!
Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.
1) You are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2, 000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching pocket square and suspenders, a starched white shirt, monogrammed cufflinks, silver tiepin and a Rolex as you read this. FIRST, untie and remove fancy shoes. Peel off socks. DO THIS NOW! Be more...
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"
"Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh, no, I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites
him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with
interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher’s entry
in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, “Okay, we’ll let you in, but take
that cloth robe and wooden staff.”The preacher is astonished and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely, I rate higher than a cabby.”St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: “Here we are interested in results. When you
preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed.”
Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Smooth Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
Place your bets.
And they're off!
Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Smooth Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the halfway mark it's Bare Belly on top. Smooth Thighs open up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Smooth Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At the stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming.
At the finish it's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and
Passionate Lady taking more...
A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates andannounces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon readingthe entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff andto proceed into Heaven. A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watchingthese proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanningthe preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is astonished and replies, "ButI am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely Irate higher than a cabbie." St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "this is heaven and, up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
Online computer users often engage in cyber sex. However, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does... Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner... it smells funny. Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me? Wellhung: OKSweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to more...