Simple Jokes / Recent Jokes
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrrong.
Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick
themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort
in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the
dirt where it hides and whisking it away.
I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind
believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the
contrary - the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage
and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality; when he must
look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary
and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in
Juarez."
When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some
advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your
arm and head for the bathtub:
Know that although the cat has the advantage of more...
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U. S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?" Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury. Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: TWO bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident. Cross-Country Skiing: Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. It more...
Why you should learn to use algebra... After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can bereached of the secret to wealth and success.Here it goes. Knowledge is Power Time is Money and as every engineer knows, Power is Work over Time.So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get: K = P (1) T = M (2) P = W/T (3)Now, do a few simple substitutions: Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields: K = W/T (4)Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields: K = W/M (5).Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get: Knowledge equals Work over Money.What this MEANS is that: 1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and 2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.Solving for Money, we get: M = W/K (6) Money equals Work Over Knowledge.From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardlessof the Work done.What THIS MEANS is: The More you Make, the Less you more...
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"What type of bra?" asked the clerk."Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?""Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.Confused, the man asked what the types were.The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." Military
Buying a Bra "A man walked more...