Simple Jokes / Recent Jokes

By Terry Jones (of Monty Python)
February 20, 2002
Times Observer

To prevent terrorism by dropping bombs on Iraq is such an obvious idea that I can't think why no one has thought of it before. It's so simple. If only the UK had done something similar in Northern Ireland, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today. The moment the IRA blew up the Horseguards' bandstand, the Government should have declared its own War on Terrorism. It should have immediately demanded that the Irish government hand over Gerry Adams. If they refused to do so - or quibbled about needing proof of his guilt - we could have told them that this was no time for prevarication and that they must hand over not only Adams but all IRA terrorists in the Republic. If they tried to stall by claiming that it was hard to tell who were IRA terrorists and who weren't, because they don't go around wearing identity badges, we would have been free to send in the bombers.

It is well known that more...

I am sure you can imagine
It's as simple as can be.
The place is picadilly
The players are he and she.
She whispered "Will it hurt me"
"of course not", answered he,
It's a very simple process.
You can rely on me.
She said I am frightened,
I've not had it done before.
He started to convince her,
It would not hurt at all.
Finally she consented,
and he started on it.
Half an hour later
Neither spoke a word.
It was rather painful.
Tears in her eyes.
It's hurting quite a bit now.
It must be quite a size.
"Now calm yourself my dear" said he.
His face betrayed a grin.
Just open slightly wider
Let me get more in.
It's coming now he told her.
Suddenly he gave a shout.
Thank god,
You pulled it out.
Now if you read it carefully
It's a dentist you will find,
and not what you are thinking.
It's just your dirty mind.

Why did God invent a man first?
She wanted to start with something simple.

These 3 guys were waiting for a job interview. The first guy gets called in. The interviewer tells him that a big part of this job is being observant. The interviewer tells him to look around the room, look at him and tell him one thing he observes. Coincidentally, the interviewer has no ears.
Instantly, the guy replies, "That's simple you got no ears!" This angers the interviewer and he throws the guy out.
The second guy gets called in and the exact same thing happens. The interviewer tells him to look around and tells him what he observes. Again the guy replies, "That's simple, you have no ears!" This angers the interviewer again and he throws the guy out.
When he returns to the waiting room, he tells the third guy not to mention anything about the interviewer's ears or he will have no chance of getting the job. The third guy thanks him and goes in for the interview.
When he is told to look around the room, he observes that the interviewer is more...

Pete was the playboy of the office. He kept the typewriter set bug-eyed with juicy tales of his conquests. One afternoon a bachelor in the office cornered him and asked, "Pete, how the hell do you do it? You're a married man, but you make Casanova look like a two-bit amateur. Come on, buddy, what's your secret?"
Pete was in a conversational mood. "I wouldn't do this for everybody, Eddie," he said, "but you're a friend, so I'll tell you my secret. Like all great plans, it's really very simple. It's all in the approach!
"Tonight, take the 5: 21 out of Penn Station and get off at Great Neck. You'll find dozens of dolls there waiting for their husbands. Now there are always some husbands who have to work late. So all you have to do is be charming and let nature take its course."
The system was indeed simple, but it also seemed foolproof. Eddie boarded the 5: 21 that night with Pete's instructions fixed firmly in his mind. But he dozed en more...

During the kandy perahera day time they take a rest near the mahaweli river. One day one mother and her son were walking son saw some unnatural thing centre of the elephant's four legs. son asked mother, "mum what is that? " she asked" what".' look at that, son pointed that unantural organ."Ah! don't worry putha, that is a "SIMPLE THING". some days later the same son went the same way with his father. On that day son saw the same unnatural organ."Look at that dad" son told.'what" dad questioned."that SIMPLE THING". son said "Who told you that" Dad asked."Mum" replied son."Ah! yes that is SIMPLE THING to your mum" Dad told

Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.