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Written by a Viet Nam Vet
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
"In Memory of The Twin Towers"
Warning song to Osama bin Laden
(the tune of Rawhide)
The devil came from nowhere
He attacked us from the sky.
He bloodied up our nation
didn't give a reason why.
Now he's placed a spear in our eye
said its done it Allahs name
So God's coming lookin for him
And he's got himself to blame.
No more runnin, no more hiding, there's no place for you to go
For the wrath of God is coming and he isn't movin slow.
You defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought
And the world is coming for you now with everything its got.
Just go hidin in your hills
You'll be buried in your caves.
You'll get what you've got comin now
For being Satans slaves.
You've woke the sleeping giant
From his legendary sleep
Now with open roar like lions
There's one promise he will keep
No more runnin, no more hiding, there's no more...

Written by a Viet Nam VetGOD BLESS AMERICA!"In Memory of The Twin Towers"Warning song to Osama bin Laden(the tune of Rawhide)The devil came from nowhereHe attacked us from the sky.He bloodied up our nationdidn't give a reason why.Now he's placed a spear in our eyesaid its done it Allahs nameSo God's coming lookin for himAnd he's got himself to blame.No more runnin, no more hiding, there's no place for you to goFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn't movin slow.You defiled the love of all mankind without a single thoughtAnd the world is coming for you now with everything its got.Just go hidin in your hillsYou'll be buried in your caves.You'll get what you've got comin nowFor being Satans slaves.You've woke the sleeping giantFrom his legendary sleepNow with open roar like lionsThere's one promise he will keepNo more runnin, no more hiding, there's no place for you to goFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn't movin slow.You've defiled the love of all mankind without a more...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a l lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was equally intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected a carton of milk, eggs, juice and a package of bacon.
As she unloaded her items onto the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
"You must be single," he said.
A little startled, the woman looked at her four items on the belt and, seeing nothing particularly unusual about them, said, "Yes, you're right, but how on earth did you know that?"
"Cause you're uglier'n shit," the drunk said.

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a more...

When do you care for a man’s company?
When he owns it.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in the bed and go to the fridge.

Why do men have legs?
So their brains don’t drag on the ground.

“You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common, ” said the new tenant’s neighbor. “Why on earth did you get married? ” “I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract’, ” was the reply. “He wasn’t pregnant and I was. ”

What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

Man: “Haven’t we met before? ”
Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic. ”

Why do men like masturbation?
It’s sex with someone they love.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how more...

I found this on a wall at Iowa State University.
***
THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without more...