Sink Jokes / Recent Jokes
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else... After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had more...
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Absent Minded: Opens his vest, pulls out his tie, and pisses in his pants. Clever: Uses no hands, shows off by fixing tie with both hands, looks around for admiration, and sometimes ends up pissing on the floor and onto his shoes. Cross-eyed: Looks into urinal on the left, pisses into the one in the center, and flushes the one on the right. Desperate: Waits in a long time, teeth floating and feet shuffling. Starts to piss as he walks up to urinal but before he can unzip himself. Lets out a long groan and grunt as he finally gets to relieve himself. Disgruntled: Stands for a while, grunts, gives up, and walks away. Drunk: Holds left thumb in right hand and pisses into his pants. Easily induced: Any thought, mention, sight, or slosh of a liquid, from sipping coffee to a runny nose, causes bladder to immediately signal full condition. Efficient: Waits until he has to crap, then does both at once. Erect: Either because his bladder is full or he just saw a sexy woman, his penis is so erect more...
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
A husband should never question his wife's judgement. Look whom she married!
A lifetime in snooker my dearest, it's happened to you, so don't forget to chalk his cue and the first game you play make sure it's at the end of the day.
A man is as good as he has to be; a woman as bad as she dares.
A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.
A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation.
Advice to submariners: If torpedo overheats, load tube, go deep and eject.
Advice to the new bride: You can't be treated like a doormat if you don't line down.
Advice to the new bride: Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
Two bits of advice to the new bride: One, tell your new husband that you have to have one night a week out with the girls, and, two, don't waste that night with the girls.
After a moment more...
A woman in her mid-20s goes to her doctor, Dr. Lee, for advice. She says, "I just don't understand doctor, I'm a woman in my mid-20s and I don't have a boyfriend. No one's even interested." Dr. Lee says, "Ok, I sink I know what your probrem is. Take all your crothes." After she removes her clothes, Dr. Lee says, "Ok, now get down on hand and knee." She does that and Dr. Lee says, "Ok, now crawr away from me...now crawr back." She complies and Dr. Lee says, "I sink I know your probrem. You have Ed Zachary disease." The woman asks what Ed Zachary disease is and Dr. Lee replies, "Your face look Ed Zachary rike your a$$."
Q: How do you sink a French battleship? A: Put it in water.
Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?A. Put it in water.