Sink Jokes / Recent Jokes

German fisherman was at the sea with a small boat. After some time American submarine surfaced near him. The captain asked the fisherman: "Have You seen any Russian submarines lately?"
"Yes, I have, they went to north-east", the fisherman replied.
"Thanks very much", and off they went, to north-east... After some time, Russian submarine surfaced, and their commander asked the same fisherman, "Have You seen any American submarines lately?"
Fishermans answer was the same: "Yes, and they went to north-east."
"What?", asked Russian submarines commander.
"I said, they went to north-east!"
"What a hell means north-east, You'd better show us the direction with your hand, if You don't want us to sink you!"

Question: What do you call the sight of a plumber under the sink with his pants creeping down, exposing his crack?
Answer: Redneck Cleavage.

Absent Minded: Opens his vest, pulls out his tie, and pisses in his pants.Clever: Uses no hands, shows off by fixing tie with both hands, looks around for admiration, and sometimes ends up pissing on the floor and onto his shoes.Cross-eyed: Looks into urinal on the left, pisses into the one in the center, and flushes the one on the right.Desperate: Waits in a long time, teeth floating and feet shuffling. Starts to piss as he walks up to urinal but before he can unzip himself. Lets out a long groan and grunt as he finally gets to relieve himself.Disgruntled: Stands for a while, grunts, gives up, and walks away.Drunk: Holds left thumb in right hand and pisses into his pants.Easily induced: Any thought, mention, sight, or slosh of a liquid, from sipping coffee to a runny nose, causes bladder to immediately signal full condition.Efficient: Waits until he has to crap, then does both at once.Erect: Either because his bladder is full or he just saw a sexy woman, his penis is so erect that he more...

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke. A husband should never question his wife's judgement. Look whom she married! A lifetime in snooker my dearest, it's happened to you, so don't forget to chalk his cue and the first game you play make sure it's at the end of the day. A man is as good as he has to be; a woman as bad as she dares. A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy. A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers. A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation. Advice to submariners: If torpedo overheats, load tube, go deep and eject. Advice to the new bride: You can't be treated like a doormat if you don't line down. Advice to the new bride: Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near. Two bits of advice to the new bride: One, tell your new husband that you have to have one night a week out with the girls, and, two, don't waste that night with the girls. After a moment of quite repose It's tum to tum and toes to more...

How do you sink a Polish submarine? You knock on the door.

How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the hatch.

It was several weeks before Pesach. I had 12 bottles of whiskey in my cellar that my wife instructed me to empty. She said, "Empty each and every bottle down the sink," so I proceeded with the task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth sink, poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the glass and poured the cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink, and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied I steadied the house with one hand, more...