Sinned Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned."The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I Committed adultery."Priest: "How many times?"Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."A few minutes later another woman enters the confessional. She says "Father forgive me for I have sinned."Priest: "What did you do?"Woman: "I committed adultery."Priest: "How many times?"Woman: "Three times."Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and more...

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy more...

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."
The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who might be the woman you were with?"
"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Lisa O'Shanter?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy O'Dell?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona Mallory, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy O' Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've more...

Woman in confession: Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
Preast: How have you sinned my child?
woman: I called my husband a "son of a bitch."
Preast: why did you do this.
woman: First, he took off my shirt.
Preast: Like this, (and he does it to her), that is no reason to call
him a son of a bitch.
woman: then he took off my pants.
Preast: Like this, that is still no reason to call him a son of a bitch.
woman then he took off my bra and panties.
Preast: you mean like this, that is no reason to call him a son of a
bitch.
woman: but then he had sex with me.
Preast: Like this.
(15 minutes later)
Preast: that is no reason to call him a son of a bitch.
woman: I know, but a week ago he told me that he had sex with another
woman and he had aids, and I have contracted it.
Preast: Well that Son of a Bitch!

A Priest had been in confessions all day without a break. He really had to take a dump, and his blatter was about to burst because he hadn't been able to relieve himself all day. People kept coming to confess and the line was backed up already and he hated to leave. But he peeked out of his cubicle and signaled the janitor to come over. He asked the janitor to cover for him and gave him the confessions book then sped off in the direction of the bathroom. The janitor was a little bewildered but he went into the cubicle and sat down. A woman came knelt in front of his window and said, "Father I have sinned. I cheated on my husband." The janitor scanned in the book until he found "adultery". He told the woman to say 50 "Hail Mary's" and wash in holy water. Next came a man who told the janitor, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with another man." The janitor looked and looked but he couldn't find a penance listed for oral sex. He more...

One day there were these 5 little boys
the first little boy went to the priest and went bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes what did you do my son the boy goes i threw peanut in the water and the priest goes your forgivin
the second little boy goes to the priest bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes what did you do my son the boy goes i threw peanut in the water the priest goes your forgiven
the third little boy goes to the priest and goes bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes what did you do my son the boy goes i threw peanut in the water the priest goes your forgiven
the fourth little boy goes to the priest and goes bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes what did you do my son the boy goes i threw peanut in the water the priest goes your forgiven
then the fifth little boy goes to the priest and goes bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes i know you threw peanut in the water too the boy goes no i is peanut

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 34", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment. This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7 tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the re st of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off. Bob, now more...