Sir Jokes / Recent Jokes

After years of his wife's pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the Preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.

He said, "Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!"

The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please... I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the Lord's name in vain!"

The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!"

The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church"!

The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $
500. 00 in the collection plate!"

And the Reverend said, "NO SHIT?!"

Once A Student Forgot His Science Book. His Teacher Asked Him "Where Is Your Science Book" He Said "Sir I Forgot It" His Teacher Said In Anger "Why Didnt You Forget Yourself As Well". The Student Answered "Sir Actually I Forgot That Too But Sad To Say My Mother Reminded Me".

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that ole lazy cajun..."

He decided to set a test for Boudreaux, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without any problems.

The first question the boss asked was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and draws three oak trees. The boss says, "What the hell's that?" Boudreaux says, "Tree' n' tree' n' tree makes nine."

The boss says, "Fair enough." "Second question, same rules, but this time represent 99."

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Dere ya go, sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Boudreaux says, "Each tree is dirty more...

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil: A teacher.
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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
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Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a more...

Officer: What Is Your Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: Tell Me Properly.
Candidate: Mohan Pal Sir Officer: Your Father’s Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Manmohan Pal Sir Officer: Your Native Place
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: Is It Madhya Pradesh?
Candidate: No, Munnur Pal Sir Officer: What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: (angrily) What Is It?
Candidate: Metric Pass Officer: Why Do You Need A Job?
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: And What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Money Problem Sir Officer: Describe Your Personality
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate: Magnanimous Personality Sir Officer: This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now.
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: What Is It Now
Candidate: My Performance.. .? Officer: M. P!!!
Candidate: What Is That Sir? Officer: Mental Problems

It was a dark, stormy night. The marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk.

The nervous young private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute and snapped out "Sir, good evening, Sir!" The General, out for some relaxation, return the salute and said "Good evening marine, nice night isnt it?".

Well it wasnt a nice night, but the private wasnt about to disagree with the General so he saluted again and replied "Sir yes sir!"

The General continued "you know there's something about a stormy night that i find soothing, its really relaxing. Dont you agree?" The private didnt agree, but then the private was just a private, so he responded "Sir yes sir!"

The General, pointing at the dog,"This is a golden retriever, the best type of dog to train" The private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said " Sir yes more...