Sit-ups Jokes

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
true?
A: How could that be true? Your heart is only good for so many beats,
and that's it. Everything wears out eventually, so how could speeding
up your heart make you live longer? That's like saying you can extend
the life of your car by driving it more. Want to live longer? Take a
nap.
Q: Both my wife and my girlfriend say I should cut down on meat and
eat more fruits and vegetables.
A: They just don't grasp logistical efficiencies the way you do.
Look, what does a cow eat? Corn. And what's corn? A vegetable. So a
steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
source of field grass. And a more...

How To Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do
more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs

12. Turn off more...