Absorbent Jokes

Here are some actual quotes from labels on packing of common household products.
I was rather amused at the information written on the bag [of JONNY CAT, cat litter].
The best has to be: "JONNY CAT is the best value for your money. A 20 lb. bag of JONNY CAT contains 25% more litter than 16 lb. bags, and 43% more than 14 lb. bags!"
Other importanant info:
"100% natural clay mined from a rare deposit makes Jonny Cat especially absorbent."
AND THEN they have a section for "Other Uses" of Jonny Cat:
"GARAGE SPILLS - sweeps up oil and grease and reduces stains"
"TRASH CANS - a layer on the bottom reduces odors and discourages flies"
"REFRIGERATORS - an inexpensive nontoxic odor absorbent"
"GARDENS - enhances water retention and soil aeration, promotes growth"
All this from a cat litter! Who could ask for more!

How To Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do
more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs

12. Turn off more...