Sit Jokes / Recent Jokes

We were in Salino, Utah when we were arrested for not going through a green light. We pleaded "maybe". I asked the judge if he knew what time it is, he did, and I said, "No further questions."

I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, "Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?"

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... When I came back the entire area was missing.

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.

One night a jet flew a little bit too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen, and the stewardess told me to sit down.

When I go, I'm flying Air more...

Who doesnt like to sit in front of the fire? A Snowman.

The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.
If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.
The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).
If there's any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.
The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.
Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, more...

My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.
I will not fish out my human's partial plate from the glass so that the dog can "wear" it and pretend to be my human. (It is somewhat unnerving to wake up, more...

Yo Mama is so fat, when she sit's around the house,"she sit's AROUND THE HOUSE"!!

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life - that is, until the ship sank. He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing; only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here? ”
She replies, “I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank. ”
“Amazing, ” he notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you. ”
“Oh, this thing? ” explains the woman. “I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree. ”
“But, where did you get the tools? ”
“Oh, that was no problem, ” replied the woman. “On the south side more...

I was commuting from Brooklyn to my job in Manhattan. I’d finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to my friends at work. How do you save a newspaper on the subway? You sit on it. A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear and asked, “Are you reading that paper? ” I stood up, turned the page, sat down on the paper and answered, “Yes. ”