Skid Jokes

THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as' Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into more...

What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.

You won't skid if you stay in a rut.

A classy piano bar was holding tryouts for a new piano player. The only applicant turned out to be a skid row wino who looked and smelled the part. The piano bar owner basically told him to "take a hike", but the bum insisted that he be given the chance to show the owner that he could play the piano with the best of them. The owner relented and showed the guy to the piano.
The bum commenced to play a song he had written himself. The owner was amazed as the skid row denizen's fingers gently caressed the ivory keys with a song so beautiful and well-played it brought him to tears.
When the bum was finished playing the song, the owner said in amazement, "That was the most beautiful piece I've heard in my life. You're great! What is the name of that song?"
The bum replied, "I named that song 'I Love You So Fuckin' Much I Could Almost Shit'!"
The owner fumed, "You're outta here! This is a class establishment and I will not allow such a song more...

What is the difference between a dead dog in the middel of the road and a dead lawyer?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog