Skip Jokes / Recent Jokes
- Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
- 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
- Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
- 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
- 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
- 91% lie regularly, so you can just throw away statistics like these based on their answers *grin*
- 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
- 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
- 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
- 90% believe in divine retribution (but apparently not for lying)
- 10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
- 82% believe in an afterlife.
- 45% believe in ghosts.
- 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
- 29% are virgins when they marry.
- 58.4% have called into work sick when we more...
Preacher decides to skip Sunday services and go to the golf course to hit a few...
When he gets there, he discovers there isn't anybody else around, and he has the entire course to himself..
But he does have witnesses...Seems God and Jesus are keeping an eye on him, and they don't approve of his church hooky-playing..
"Look at that guy," Jesus says, "He should be in church instead of out there. C'mon, Dad, let me hit him with a lightning bolt or something."
"No," God says, "I've something else in mind for him. Watch what happens when he makes his next shot."
Guy sets up a ball, drives it off the tee-It sails 200 yards and lands squarely in the hole.
"What kind of punishment is that, Dad?!" Jesus yells, "That has to be one of the greatest golf shots in history!!"
"That's right, son, indeed it is....and because he's alone, he can't tell anyo
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor. "No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
Parking fine!
Banta was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him, if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices," said Banta. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
++++++++
Sun Downer
Santa: "Yaar, where does the Sun go at night?"
Banta "It does not go anywhere. It remains there but due to darkness we cannot see it."
++++++++++
Skipping medicine!
Santa went to a doctor to get some medicine, as he was not feeling well. "This is pretty strong stuff," said the doctor, "So take some first day, then skip a day, take some again and then skip another day and so on."
A few months after the doctor met Sardarji’s wife and asked how he was. "Oh, he is in a coma," she told him. "So the medicine I prescribed to him did him no good?" asked the doctor.
"Oh, the medicine more...
"Be good and for your birthday I'll buy you a motorcycle!""How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?""Don't bother wearing a jacket--it's quite warm out.""Let me smell that shirt--yeah, it's good for another week.""I think a cluttered bedroom is a sign of creativity." "Yeah, I used to skip school, too." "Just leave all the lights on...it makes the house more cheery." "Could you turn the music up louder so I can enjoy it, too?""Run and bring me the scissors! Hurry!" "Aw, just turn these undies inside out. No one will ever know." "I don't have a tissue with me--just use your sleeve." "Well, if Timmy's Mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me.""Of course you should walk to school and back. What's the big deal about having to cross a few main streets?" "My meeting won't be over till later tonight. You kids don't mind if we skip dinner?
Facts about Americans. Did you know that. . . Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do. Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly. 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man. 67. 5% of men were tightie whities (briefs). 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up tohigher denominations. 13% of us admit to occassionally doing our offspring's homework. 91% of us lie regularly. 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz. 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store. 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the highprices of snack foods. 90% believe in divine retribution. 10% believe in the 10 Commandments. 82% believe in an afterlife. 45% believe in ghosts. 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail. 58. 4% have called into work sick when we weren't. 10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item. Over more...