Sleep Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ever notice how a 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?
Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a. m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that was O. K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night?
They said OK.
After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.
As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting "Hi Dad! I've got some more...
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed.
Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag." Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold." He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again.
Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold." This time, he remained there and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out here in the wilderness more...
I love to sleep. It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.
THE WORLD'S BEST PICKUP LINES (AND MUCH, MUCH, MORE!)
1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
2. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
3. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
4. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
5. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
6. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
7. My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
8. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
9. Nice shoes. Wanna sleep together?
10. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
11. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
12. If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
13. Screw me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
14. I like every muscle more...
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR TOO LONG... When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits. When you are counting objects, you go "0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, A, B, C, D...". When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors. When your wife says "If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for omitting the "else" clause. You try to sleep, and think sleep (8 * 3600); /* sleep for 8 hours /When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page. When after fooling around all day with routers etc., you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number and hummmmm to imitate a modem... and you succeed... When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want. When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one. When you look for a more...
A woman didn't come home 1 night.The nxt morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn't come home 1 night.The nxt morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.
WIFE
Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE - Without Information Fighting Every time!!!"
Wife replies," No, It means - With Idiot For Ever!!!"
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SANTA CLAUS
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother" Santa wrote back," send me your mother"
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SLEEP TALKING
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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WISHING WELL
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
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