Sleep Jokes / Recent Jokes

An 85 year old man marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites.

She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting.

Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there the old guy is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old more...

A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor. Another replied: "Of course sleep is a factor. The only time I'm not eating is when I'm sleeping!"

The dog is not allowed in the house.
OK. the dog is allowed in the house but only in certain rooms.
The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
The dog can get on the old furniture only.
Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
OK, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
The dog can sleep under the cover by invitation only.
The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

UNDER CONTROL
Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.

SLEEP WITH ME
Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Husband: that you are a lesbian.

SWEET TASTE
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U. S? ??
Because the people started licking the wrong side!

SIMPLE MATHS
How do you teach a girl maths? Add a bed, subtract her clothes, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and hope she doesn't multiply!

ON FIRE! !
Lady: "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall" Lady: "O. K. I'll take that red one"
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";

'Window Treatments' I'm OK with. But calling a bed a'Sleep System'???

A'Sleep System' is two valium and a shot of Jack Daniels.

Rita was standing vigil over her husband's deathbed. As she held his hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his face, and roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk."
But he was insistent. "Rita," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Rita. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Rita. I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother."
Rita mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now dear, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said.
"Now you be still, and let the poison work."

Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
Twitch a lot.
Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
Become a subgenius.
Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your
seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work
up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
Walk and talk backwards.
Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the
middle of your room. Number them.
Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your
roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than
meets the eye."
Kill roaches with a more...