Sleep Jokes / Recent Jokes

At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old.
Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door.
Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door.
It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again.
However, after a few short more...

We sleep safely in our beds, because rough men stand ready in the night to inflict violence on those who would harm us. George Orwell

At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old.Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door.Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep.After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again.However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock more...

An exhausted looking man dragged himself in to the Doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications.

"Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the man answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be, said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the man wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hell getting more...

At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action". Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Wally is back again, rapping more...

Chicago sent its police chief, fire chief, and city attorney to a municipal management conference in Indiana. While driving through a rural area, their car broke down, and they sought assistance at a nearby farmhouse.
The farmer told them that the local garage was closed, and that they were welcome to spend the night, but that he only had one spare bed. He told them that somebody could sleep on his couch, but that one of them would have to spend the night in his barn.
The police chief announced that he would volunteer to sleep in the barn. A short time later there was a knock at the door. It was the police chief, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, and they reminded him of insults that had been yelled at him, and he was too disturbed to sleep.
The fire chief stated that he would trade with the police chief, and went out to the barn. A short time later, again there was rapping at the door. It was the fire chief, who complained that the cows more...

You don't sweat, you percolate.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed-walk in your sleep.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other more...