Small Jokes / Recent Jokes

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Q: Why do mice have small balls?
A: Because so few know how to dance.

Yo momma loike a mcdonalds happy meal small, cheap, ad greasy

I was an Air Force ICBM launch control officer in South Dakota. Two officers pulled 24-hour alerts in a launch control center that was surrounded by several Minuteman II silos. The facility and the silos were separated by several miles. We were not allowed to leave the "capsule" until relieved the next day, and we were supported by several on-site personnel in the support building upstairs. The capsules were Spartan, but each boasted a small refrigerator and a small microwave. On one tour of duty, the cook called down around lunch time and informed us that she was cleaning her oven and that hot food would be unavailable for a short time. Later, around supper time, she called down again and apologized that she had dismantled her oven to clean it, was having trouble reassembling it, and would again be unable to heat our food orders. We were somewhat annoyed, but, being the kinder, gent ler military officers we were, told her "No problem. Just send down the frozen meals more...

One day on a train, there were two small boys and a middle aged lady. She sat reading her book but couldn't help overhearing the two small boys having a deep heated discussion on the subject of spelling. "It would be spelt 'W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B'," the first boy argued.
"No its not! It's spelt 'W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B'," retorted the other.
The lady leaned over unable to keep to herself and said, "Excuse me boys, but I think you'll find the word is spelled 'W-O-M-B'."
The first little boy looked at the other, and then back at the lady, and replied,
"You know lady, I bet you've never even seen a hippopotamus, let alone ever heard one fart underwater!"

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. .. it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms more...

A Collection of Lawyer Jokes



An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...