Small Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!" The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"

Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling. "It's amazing," he said to the other people, "that such a small fan could lift all these people!"

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"
"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
"Same here. How do you catch them?"
"Well, I crawl under a car and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the s*** out of 'em, and eat'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the s*** out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."

Tim O'Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water's edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back. Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn't believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog's wonderful new trick to the first person he came across. Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do. Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water's edge, walked across the more...

Ted, fresh out of business school, was being interviewed for a job as an accountant. The interviewer was a very nervous man who ran the small business he had started by himself.
The man said, "What I'm in need of is someone with an accounting degree. Mainly, I'm looking for someone who will do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" Ted said.
"I worry about many things, but I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job would be to take all the financial worries off my back," replied the man.
"OK. How much does the job pay?" asked Ted.
"To start, sixty-five thousand dollars," was the man's reply.
"Sixty-five thousand dollars!" exclaimed Ted. "How on earth can such a small business afford a salary like that?"
"That, Ted, is your first worry!" was the reply.

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line.
When the guided tour arrived, a salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This baby here," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. Ask it any question you wish and it will give you an intelligent answer."
A smartass stepped forward and asked the computer, "Where is my father?"
Suddenly, the electronic gears went to work. Lights flashed, wheels buzzed and within seconds, a small card popped out. The card read, "Fishing Off Florida."
"Ha!" laughed the smartass. "Actually, my father is dead! That was a trick question."
The quick thinking salesman immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps he might like to try rephrasing his question and try again.
"Ok," the smartass said, "where is my mother's husband?"
Again more...

A man, vacationing on a small Caribbean island, settled down on the beach for a day of sunbathing. He unintentionally fell asleep and when he awoke several hours later, he noticed that his legs were badly sunburned. Hardly able to stand the pain, he went to see a doctor.
After examining the man's legs, the doctor said, "I'm sorry, but since this is only a small village clinic, I really don't have very much to help you. However, try this," and he gives the man one Viagra tablet.
"Doctor, I have an acute sunburn," the man said, "what is a Viagra tablet going to do?"
"Nothing at all for the sunburn," replied the doctor, "but it will help to keep the sheets off of your legs tonight."