Smaller Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

Practical joke A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed. The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it? Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

There once was a man with a 15 inch so he went to the docter and said, "There is a witch who will know the cure."
So when he went to the witch she said "Go to the pond and everytime the special frog sais no your dick shrinks 3 inches smaller".
As the man went to the frog he said "Will you marry me?" and the frog said no! And the mans dick shrunk 3 inch smaller. so he asked again will you marry me? And the frog said no and it shrunk 3 inches smaller. But it was still too big so he said will you marry me? NO! NO! NO!
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! AND FOR THE LAST TIME NO !!!

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. "Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?" she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, "Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?"
Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, "I know how to make them larger!"
"How?" she asks.
"Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs."
"Well, how long does it take?" she asks.
"They should expand over the years," he answers.
"How did you know that?" she wonders.
"I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?"

You look at people`s shoes to determine where they are from.
You`re anxiously concerned because you forgot your "just in case" disposable hypodermic needle in your other coat.
You "automatically" hand in your pepper spray at the door before going through the metal detector.
You are pleasantly surprised when there is actually wine in that bottle of Georgian Kinzamaruli. ( Not everyone gets this one, email for solution!))
You notice that Flathead`s cell phone is smaller than yours and you`re jealous.
Your day seems brighter after seeing that Goon`s Mercedes run into by a pensioner`s "Moskvich".
You are thrown off guard when the doorman at the nightclub is happy to see you.
Your not sure what to do you when the "Gai" only asks you to pay the official fine.
You wonder what the tax inspector really wants when she says everything is in order.
You give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been really more...

Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The parish priest ran into him one day totally inebriated, attempting to stumble home, and gave him a strong lecture against drinking.
The good father was able to convince Paddy that, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a mouse."
This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and could not get that thought out of his mind. He couldn't sleep for a week worrying about the priest's threat and finally said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?"