Smelled Jokes

Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.
He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.
A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her."
"She was a rotten old thing from the beginning."
"Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish."
"She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in more...

Once upon a time there was a chicken. This chicken was very fat and made lots of noise. One day this chicken made so much noise that a farmer came and cut the chicken's head off. Although most chickens would run around once their head was cut off, this chicken would not. Instead, it dropped dead. The end.
Once upon a time a computer dude named Eric went to the store to buy some food. Little did he know that when he went to get the chicken for his stir fry, the chicken he actually got was the hero/victim in the previous story. When the chicken had hit the ground, it had picked up a disease. The flesh eating bacteria that caused you to rot away in agony in less than 24 hours. Although young David's life was about to end, he would be remembered for a long time as the first one to contract the "David" virus. As David cooked the diseased poultry, little did he know, that the chicken was diseased in the first place. As he cooked it, it did not destroy the virus. He ate it more...

Jim and Jack were identical twins. Jim owned an old, dilapitated boat and tended to keep pretty much to himself. One day he rented his boat to a group of out-of-towners who ended up sinking it. All day, and throughout most of the evening, Jim attempted to salvage as much as possible from the sunken vessel. Unbeknownest to him, during his absence, his brother Jack's wife had died suddenly.
When he finally arrived back on shore, he went into town to pick up a few things from the local grocery store. The kind, old woman who ran the store mistook him for Jack and said, "I'm terribly sorry for your loss. You must feel awful."
Thinking she was referring to his boat, Jim replied, "Hell no! Actually, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She always was a rotten old thing, right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old, dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a serious crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. more...

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seatnext to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face wasplastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin wassticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaperand began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turnedto the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?""My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wickedwomen, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.""Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man andapologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?""I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The mans tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, its caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well Ill be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "Im very sorry. I didnt mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?" "I dont have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."