Smelled Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joe and John were identical twins.

Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.

One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.

He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.

Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.

A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her."

"She was a rotten old thing from the beginning."

"Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish."

"She was always more...

A man in a bar, after several drinks, began bragging that he could identify any type of wood by its smell only. The patrons of the bar decided to test him. The man was blindfolded and presented with several pieces of wood.
First they tried maple. He smelled it and said "that's maple".
They then tried ebony; he again smelled it and named the wood
correctly. He did this with ever piece of wood they brought before him.
The bartender then got an idea to trick him. And they took one of the waitresses and put her crotch up to his nose. He sniffed for a while. Boy he said this is difficult, flip that board over and let me smell the other side. So they took they waitress and put her ass near his nose.
He took a big whiff, started to smile and said you guys can't fool me that is the shit house door from a tuna boat!

Have you ever smelled moth balls? - How did you get their little legs apart?

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seatnext to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face wasplastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin wassticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaperand began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turnedto the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?""My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wickedwomen, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.""Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man andapologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?""I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Jim and Jack were identical twins. Jim owned an old, dilapitated boat and tended to keep pretty much to himself. One day he rented his boat to a group of out-of-towners who ended up sinking it. All day, and throughout most of the evening, Jim attempted to salvage as much as possible from the sunken vessel. Unbeknownest to him, during his absence, his brother Jack's wife had died suddenly.
When he finally arrived back on shore, he went into town to pick up a few things from the local grocery store. The kind, old woman who ran the store mistook him for Jack and said, "I'm terribly sorry for your loss. You must feel awful."
Thinking she was referring to his boat, Jim replied, "Hell no! Actually, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She always was a rotten old thing, right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old, dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a serious crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. more...

Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.
He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.
A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her."
"She was a rotten old thing from the beginning."
"Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish."
"She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big more...

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked' Say Father, what causes arthritis?' The priest replies' My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man'' Well I'll be darned' the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper. The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised.' I'm sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'