Snack Jokes / Recent Jokes

Taken again from MATT GROENING'S "BIG BOOK OF HELL"... (have fun BKP :)
FLIGHT DELAYED? HOURS TO KILL? WHY NOT
SPEND A PORTION OF YOUR LIFE AT... ''
'
A K K BBBB A RRRR JJJJJ EEEE FFFF FFFF ' SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J E F F S
AAAAA KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR AND J EEEE FFFF FFFF SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J J E F F S
A A K K BBBB A A R R JJJ EEEE F F SSSS
A I RRRR PPPP OOO RRRR TTTTT
A A I R R P P O O R R T
AAAAA I RRRR PPPP O O RRRR T
A A I R R P O O R R T
A A I R R P OOO R R T
SSSS N N A CCCC K K BBBB A RRRR
S NN N A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N N AAAAA C KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR
S N NN A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N A A CCCC K K BBBB A A R R
"WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT REHEATED MEATY TREATS"
FEATURING:
* Heavily breaded seafood sticks made with yummy Crabuluxe
* Eggy scramblers with chunk-style
baco-nibblets and hidden yolk packets
* Grandma Akbar's more...

Taken again from MATT GROENING'S "BIG BOOK OF HELL"... (have fun BKP :)
FLIGHT DELAYED? HOURS TO KILL? WHY NOT
SPEND A PORTION OF YOUR LIFE AT... ''
'
A K K BBBB A RRRR JJJJJ EEEE FFFF FFFF ' SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J E F F S
AAAAA KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR AND J EEEE FFFF FFFF SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J J E F F S
A A K K BBBB A A R R JJJ EEEE F F SSSS
A I RRRR PPPP OOO RRRR TTTTT
A A I R R P P O O R R T
AAAAA I RRRR PPPP O O RRRR T
A A I R R P O O R R T
A A I R R P OOO R R T
SSSS N N A CCCC K K BBBB A RRRR
S NN N A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N N AAAAA C KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR
S N NN A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N A A CCCC K K BBBB A A R R
"WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT REHEATED MEATY TREATS"
FEATURING:
* Heavily breaded seafood sticks made with yummy Crabuluxe
* Eggy scramblers with chunk-style
baco-nibblets and hidden yolk packets
* Grandma Akbar's old-fashioned more...

CAT MIRACLE DIET: Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!
Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you’ll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con- stitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more than. 75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth more...

I know for a fact that the following examples of idiocy are true, because I myself was witness to their occurance.
In 1989, I was working in a state office in Kansas. It was right after the 1988 George Bush Presidential campaign.
Well, one day we had been talking about pork rinds (if you'll remember, George Bush was a great fan of the greasy snack food at the time), and our supervisor brought in a big bag.
My deskmate was chowing into them like there was no tomorrow. I said, "Gee, I guess you really like Bush's favorite snack!"
She responded, "Bush who?"
I said, "*George* Bush, Gina!"
She said, "Who's he? Does he work here?" (rolling eyes) Of course, George Bush was the President of the United States by this time...
Same office, a few months later.
There was an article in the newspaper during the summer of 1989 decrying the fact that United States high school seniors had a very poor knowledge of geography. more...

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of miscellaneous unproductive time.
It has become a problem not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time. Below is a list of new job codes and a description for each code based on observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with better precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.
Please begin using this job code list immediately!

05000 Surfing the Net
05001 Reading/Writing Social E-mail
05002 Sharing Social E-Mail (see codes 05003, 05004)
05003 Collecting Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E-Mail
05004 Forwarding Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E-Mail
05005 Faxing Jokes and Other Humorous Material to Friends not on E-Mail
05317 Obstructing communications at meeting
05318 Trying to sound knowledgeable while in Meeting
05319 Waiting for more...

One night at about 2:00am, 2 bats were hanging upside down, when one bat nudged the other bat's wing...'hey you wanna go and get some blood, a midnight snack?' The other bat says...' now where the heck are we going to get blood at 2:00 in the morning?' So the other bat says' if you don't want to go, fine I'll go by myself'

About 30 minutes later the first bat came back with blood dripping out of his mouth, and all over his body. The second bat says', Hey where did you get all that blood?' and the first bat says' see that tree over there?'' Yeah' says the second bat...' Well I didn't', said the first bat.

Young Jimmy was having a snack after school with his Gran.' Would you like another cookie? ' she asked.' Yes, please,' replied Jimmy.' What good manners you have,' said his Gran.' I do like to hear young people say' please' and' thank you'.'' I'll say them both if I can have a big piece of that cake,' replied Jimmy!