"NEW BILLING CODES" joke

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of miscellaneous unproductive time.
It has become a problem not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time. Below is a list of new job codes and a description for each code based on observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with better precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.
Please begin using this job code list immediately!

05000 Surfing the Net
05001 Reading/Writing Social E-mail
05002 Sharing Social E-Mail (see codes 05003, 05004)
05003 Collecting Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E-Mail
05004 Forwarding Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E-Mail
05005 Faxing Jokes and Other Humorous Material to Friends not on E-Mail
05317 Obstructing communications at meeting
05318 Trying to sound knowledgeable while in Meeting
05319 Waiting for Break
05320 Waiting for Lunch
05321 Waiting for End of Day
05322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
05323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker while Coworker Is Not Present
05393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
05400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Is Not Interested in Learning
05401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
05402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
05481 Buying Snack
05482 Eating Snack
05500 Filling Out Time Sheet
05501 Inventing Time Sheet Entries
05502 Waiting for Something to Happen
05503 Scratching Myself
05504 Sleeping
05510 Feeling Bored
05600 Bitching about Lousy Job (see code 05610)
05601 Bitching about Low Pay (see code 05610)
05602 Bitching about Long Hours (see code 05610)
05603 Bitching about Coworker (see codes 05322, 05323)
05604 Bitching about Boss (see code 05610)
05605 Bitching about Personal Problems
05610 Searching for a New Job
05640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Bitching
05701 Not Actually Present at Job
05702 Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu
06102 Ordering Out
06103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
06104 Taking it Easy while Digesting Food
06200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
06201 Stealing Company Goods
06203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distant Personal Calls
06206 Gossiping
06207 Planning a Social Event
06221 Pretending to Work While Boss is Watching
06222 Pretending to Enjoy My Job
06223 Pretending I Like My Coworkers
06224 Pretending I Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
06238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
06601 Running my Own Business on Company Time (see code 06603)
06602 Complaining
06603 Writing a Book on Company Time
06604 Planning a Vacation on Company Time
06611 Staring Into Space
06612 Staring at Computer Screen
06615 Transcendental Meditation
07281 Extended Trip to the Bathroom (at least 10 min.)
07400 Talking with Divorce Lawyer on Phone
07401 Talking with Plumber on Phone
07402 Talking with Dentist on Phone
07403 Talking with Doctor on Phone
07404 Talking with Masseuse on Phone
07405 Talking with House Painter on Phone
07406 Talking with Personal Therapist on Phone
07419 Talking with Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
07425 Talking with Mistress/Boy Toy on Phone (also see code 07400)
07931 Asking Coworker to Aid Me in an Illicit Activity
08000 Recreational Drug Use