Via Jokes

The following is only a kind-of-lawyer joke, but I thought it should be included anyway. It is provided courtesy of Jim McNulty, a constable with the Strathclyde Police Force in Scotland:
I was recently at a CID Special services annual smoker where one of the speakers was a well known Indian lawyer. One of my colleagues told a great story in response to some of the lawyers speech: The lawyer is apparently a great fan of very hot curries, so after a trying day in court he heads home via the local takeaway where he orders his usual extra hot vindaloo. He gets it home and pours it onto a metal plate, being careful not to spill it on the table in case it burns a hole through it. He goes to the fridge for some beer and returns to find that his cat has eaten the entire curry meal.
Normally a peaceable person, he is incensed by this, and he grabs the unfortunate animal, which he throws into a sack, weighed down by various law books which he has never read anyway. He puts the sack more...

Signs you've had too much of the 90's!

You try to enter your password on the microwave. You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back "What's for dinner?"

You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your online buddies via a Web page.

The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is totally foreign to you.

You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.

And finally... You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person!

The Top 10 Signs Your Broker Was Affected by the Stock Market Crash

"He can't come to the phone right now.. he's on the ledge."

"He won't be in today... he was made an offer and he refused."

"He left the building and not via the elevator.. if you catch my drift."

"I'm sorry, sir.. she's not in... she's out digging up your can as we speak."

There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please."

"He's on another line with his Mommy.. would you care to hold?"

"No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange"

"He's meeting with the SEC as we speak."

"I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup."

"Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the more...

MICROSOFT:' If G.M. had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got one-thousand miles to the gallon.'

GENERAL MOTORS:' Perhaps, but if G.M. had developed technology the same way Microsoft has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. You would just accept this, repair the damage and drive on.

2. Every time the lines were repainted on the road, you would have to buy a new car. You would accept this too.

3. Occasionally, but most often during rush-hour or when you are running late, your car would just die on the freeway for no apparent reason. Again, you would just accept this, re-start, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a normal maneuver, such as a left turn, will cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart. In such cases you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. more...

Signs you've had too much of the 90's! You try to enter your password on the microwave. You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back "What's for dinner?" You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your online buddies via a Web page. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is totally foreign to you. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes. And finally... You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person!