Snake Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit and said, "Youre soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be a rabbit." The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said, "Youre slimy, beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a math teacher."
Q: Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working? A: Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement? A: Not enough cement. Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell? A: Another lawyer. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to change it, and one to kick the stool out from under him. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: How many can you afford? Q: What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer? A: The vulture eventually lets go. Person 1: I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money. Person 2: Why do you say that? Person 1: Listen to this from his bill:' For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25. 00'. more...
Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
Sammy: You can't fool me, Teacher. Snakes don't have feet.
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days." Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a poisonous snake? A: You can make a pet out of the snake. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a tick? A: A tick drops off you when you die. Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common? A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth. The judicial process is like a cow. The public is impaled on its horns, the government has it by the tail, and all the while the lawyers are milking it. Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it? A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside. The reason law schools have been described as "a place for the accumulation of more...
The following excerpt is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for volunteers working in the Amazon Jungle. It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Related to the boa constrictor, the anaconda is the largest snake species in the world. It grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs 300 to 400 pounds.
1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another.
3. Tuck your chin in.
4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body.
5. Do not panic.
6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet end - always from the feet end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic!
7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
8. When more...
two friends once went on camping.after setting their camp, one of them went out to urinate.after urinating, he somehow forgot to close his flap.he went inside and sat comfortably in a chair.his other friend saw him in the and just by his side he saw ahuge snake and so he told his friend not to move while he hit the snake with a bottle.so he took the bootle and struck the snake.his friend screamed saying it bit me hit it again
What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set? A boa constructor!