Snow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him

The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.

"Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!"

"The cups man! Save the cups!" cries George.

"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."

Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they more...

When a blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm she recalled what her father had told her, "If you are ever stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow then follow it." Soon a snow plow came by and she began to follow it. She continued to follow it for almost an hour.
Finally the driver of the plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She told him that her father had told her if she ever got stuck in a snowstorm to just follow a plow.
The driver chuckled and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."

A blonde was sitting down for her usual cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio... "There will be 3 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the street."
So, she got up from her coffee and went to move her car.
Two days later, again sitting down with her cup of morning coffee, when the weather forecaster announced,"There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the street."
So, she got up from her coffee and again moved her car.
Four days later, again sitting down with her cup of coffee, the weather forecaster announced,"There will be 5 to 7 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the... " and then the power went out and she didn't get the rest of the instructions.
She said,"What am I going to more...

It's a simple feat to format and reuse AOL disks... but with a little imagination, a truly useful purpose can be found for those pesky white platters invading our mailboxes and magazines.
Mini cutting board (great for the office or the car, use metal door for knife).
Attach it to a ruler and presto! - you've got a fly swatter.
Construct a life size replica of Stonehenge.
At a restaurant, shove one under a wobbling table leg.
Money clip (use the metal door and discard the plastic case... the "rich nerd" look is IN this year).
Eye patch (for one-eyed software pirates).
Christmas ornaments (the more the merrier).
Give them to young children to use as building blocks.
Glue them to the bottom of the space shuttle and use them as re-entry burn tiles.
Dentures (melt & form them into new teeth for grandma).
Room dividers for hamsters.
Drink coasters.
Use multiple disks to create an ideal door stopper.
Ice scraper.
Bathroom more...

A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I'm really curious... What does Hell look like?" So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like, but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator." The man said "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains of ice through blankets of snow. more...

A few year ago, we invited some friends over for a christmas party. Many of my colleagues were there, and many of them are German. Helmut, Franz, and Rudolf were there.
I was talking to Rudolf about his belief in the superiority of the communist party. I grew tired of the discussion so I motioned towards the window and commented on the weather. "I believe it's snowing".
"No, it looks to wet to be snow," he said.
The argument went back and forth for a few minutes: rain, snow, rain, snow. ..
Then my wife came over and settled the argument for us. She said: "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

There had been no snow during the entire month of December. The elves in the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and now there was the possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
Daily life at the North Pole was not pleasant, and Santa Claus was in a pretty foul mood. Mrs. Claus was suffering from arthritis and was very mad over the fact that her red velvet cake had fallen in the oven. Santa had tried to round up some extra helpers, but with no snow, they weren't able to make it by sleigh to the workshop.
Rudolph had a bad cold, and his nose wouldn't light up. Comet and Prancer were fighting over Vixen, who had just come into heat. Blitzen's right foreleg was still in a cast, and the vet said that they would have to wait until 24 December to decide if Blitzen would be able to pull the sleigh.
The electricity went off, and all the power tools came to a stop. There was NOTHING going right in Santa's workshops. The helpers were about more...