Society Jokes / Recent Jokes
In an effort to ease tensions, the new Iraqi government plans to release 2,500 detainees back into society. No word on when a society will be available for the detainees to enjoy.
"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming." I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All more...
A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
Chee Soon Juan - Did I say that the chicken crossed the road? I meant the chicken-rice stall across the road, but left out some letters because of typo. SDP vice-chairman - wo ting bu dong ni jiang shen me. (I don't know what you are saying). Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Worker's Party - The PAP doesn't allow chickens to cross the road. Chiam See Tong - The opposition must be loyal to Singapore. Don't eat Hainanese chicken rice. Eat Singapore noodles. Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Chee Soon Juan - Did I say eat Hainanese chicken rice? I said CONSUME chicken rice at the stall across the road. PAP - There is no chicken rice stall across the road. Worker's Party - That is not true. The PAP just doesn't want chickens to cross the road. Chiam See Tong - We must always stay on this side of the road and remain true Singaporeans. Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Chee Soon Juan - Did I say consume chicken rice across the road? I said eat chicken rice OPPOSITE the road. PAP - You said more...
A rich society lady was being driven home in the rain when her Rolls Royce gets a puncture.
The car slowly stopped, and the chauffeur got out. After a long delay the society lady wound down the window. "Do you want a screwdriver?" she asked.
The chauffeur shrugged. "Might as well," he said," I can't get this bloody hub cap off!!!
Some key definitions to help decode Clinton`s speeches. More will be added as the President`s meaning becomes clear. Remember, do not attach meaning to words, it`s symbolism that is important.
All - Clinton`s constituency. as: We ALL must make sacrifices to restore America`s economic health.
Ask - Clintoneze for legislate. i. e. asking: legislating.
Campaign promise - actually, this is a misspelling. It really is champagne promise.
Change - (verb) redefinition of the term "tax cut" to its true meaning, "contribution". (noun) That portion of your income that will now be heading to Washington, As: The change we are asking for is necessary if we are to restore America`s (and, uh, Washington`s) economy to number one in the world.
Contribution - that portion of your "excess" income that Washington believes it can make better use of than you. This `90s term is designed to make you feel good while Uncle Sam more...