Soda Jokes / Recent Jokes

One evening, three women are having a few drinks at the bar, when one of them says, "Why don't we name our Sams after a soda pop. I'm really getting tired of getting my Sam mixed up with your Sam, and her Sam mixed up with your Sam."
The other two women agree that this sounds like a very good idea.
The first woman says, "I think I'll name my Sam 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always up!"
The three women hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives.
Then, the second woman says, "Ok then, I'm going to name my Sam Mountain Dew because he can mount and do me any day of the week."
Again, the three of them hoot and holler and slap each other another high five.
Then, the third woman says, "You know, those two were good, but I'm going to name my Sam Jack Daniels."
The other two women shout in unison, "Jack Daniels? That's not a soda pop... that's a hard liquor!"
Grinning, the third woman exclaims, more...

Diet for Stress How's your stress level? This should help. It is more than a diet, so read on... This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk
Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie
Mid-Afternoon snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream with nuts, cherries and whipped cream 1 jar hot fudge sauce
Dinner: 2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke 1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza 3 Snickers bars
Late Evening News: Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)
Rules for this Diet
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy jar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do more...

Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit1 slice whole wheat toast8 oz. skim milkLunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast1 cup steamed spinach1 cup herb tea1 Oreo cookieMid-Afternoon Snack:The rest of Oreos in the package2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream1 jar hot fudge sauceDinner:2 loaves garlic bread4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza3 Snickers barsLate Evening News:Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)Rules for This DietIf you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.Movie-related foods do not have additional calories more...

MAN DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (Nov. 13) --
A 39-year-old Charlottesville Man died Thursday in a freak accident involving his washing machine.

According to police reports, Samuel Randolph Strickson was doing laundry when he tried to speed up the process. Strickson apparently tried to stuff approximately 50 pounds of laundry into his washing machine by climbing on top of the washer and attempting to force the clothing into the basin. Strickson then apparently accidentally kicked the washing machine's ON button. When the machine turned on, Strickson lost his balance and both feet went down into the machine, where they got stuck.

The machine started its cycle, and Strickson, unable to free himself, started thrashing around as the machine's agitator went into gear. Strickson's head banged against a nearby shelf in the laundry room, knocking over a bottle of bleach, which poured over Strickson's face, blinding him.

Forensic reports say more...