Solid Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Clintons had the Gores over for dinner one night at the White House. During dinner, Al excused himself to use the bathroom. A few minutes later, he returned, they finished dinner and left.
On the drive home, Al turned to Tipper and said, "Were you aware that Bill has a solid gold urinal in his bathroom? How can we possibly tell the American people we're serious about cutting the budget when the President has a solid gold urinal?"
"There must be some mistake," Tipper replied. "I'll telephone Hillary when we get home and ask her about it."
When they arrived home, Tipper phoned Hillary and asked, "Is it true that Bill has a solid gold urinal in his bathroom?"
Hillary covered the receiver with her hand and whispered, "Bill, I've just discovered who peed in your saxaphone!"

Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair,
soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar
principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in
their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward
motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's
surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of
directed-pressure explosions more...

For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren."Oh, Ive done all the talking, and Im so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"

A dating Amish couple Elizabeth and Eli, are riding down the road in their buggy. It's
mid January and very cold. Elizabeth says to Eli,
"My feet are frozen solid."
Eli says,
"Well, put them in my lap. I'll rub them and warm them up."
Elizabeth does so and after a while she asks,
"Eli, what's that hard thing in your pants?"
Eli answers,
"That's my penis, it's frozen solid.. Maybe you can rub it and warm it up."
The next morning Elizabeth comes down for breakfast and asks her mother,
"Ma, what do you know about penises?"
Her mother retorts,
"I don't know, what do YOU know about penises?"
Elizabeth replies,
"I know one thing, they sure are messy when they melt!"

Cartoon Law I

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.

Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.

Cartoon Law II

Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.

Cartoon Law III

Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.

Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure more...

THE LAWS OF CARTOON PHYSICS
By Trevor Paquette and Lt. Justin D. Baldwin
Cartoon Law I: Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II: Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III: Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims more...

For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren. "Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"