Solitary Jokes

A gal was sitting at the bar when a man came in and offered her a drink. They had several before the lights went on to signal' Last Call'.
She looked at him and said: "You're so pale... so pale... have you been sick?"
He said: "No, I'm pale because I spent the last six months in solitary confinement. I escaped today by killing two guards with their own weapons, dragging an old man from his car, and running over him as I sped off."
She asked: "My goodness, what did you do to get into solitary confinement?"
He answered: "I started a prison riot, set a cell block on fire, and caused 23 men to die while trapped helplessly in their cells!"
"Oh good Lord!" she said, "What did you do to get in prison in the first place?"
"I brutally murdered my wife, cut her body up in little pieces, and stuffed them down the garbage disposal.", was the reply.
"OH!", she exclaimed, "So more...

Three criminals were each sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement for the crimes they commited. Each of them were told they would be permitted to bring one thing into the cells with them.
The first one requested a stack of books. The second one asked for his wife and the third asked for a couple hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they opened up the first criminal's cell. He came out smiling and said, "That was great. I read and studied so hard, I'm bright enough now to be a lawyer."
They then opened the second criminal's cell and he emerged with his wife and four children. "That was the most wonderful time of my life," he said. "My wife and I have never been closer and we have a wonderful family to show for it."
When they opened the third criminal's cell, he staggered out, shaking uncontrollably and stammered, "Anyone have a match?"

Pagan Lightbulb Jokes (Okay, this is REALLY vague, but I'm sure some people are going to love it...)

*How many lesbian feminist Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!

*How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?

(any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...

*How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.

*How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.

*How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

Not sure.....we'll call Z. Bhudapest and get back to you!

*How many Dianic women does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's W-I-M-M-I-N, more...

Three guys are convicted of a veryserious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement.They're each allowed one thing to bringinto the cell with them. The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asksfor his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.At the end of the twenty years, theyopen up the first guy's cell. He comes out and says, "I studiedso hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer.It was terrific."They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they'vegot five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thingof my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I loveit."They open up the third guy's door, andhe's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"