Solution Jokes / Recent Jokes

4 college students moved an apartment with 2 bedrooms. Their names were Kevin, Paul, Jordan, and Kyle. The first 3 quickly found out Kyle had a terrible snoring problem. Nobody wanted to room with him. They agreed to take turns. The first night was Kevin's turn. The next morning, Kevin walks out into the living room, with glazed eyes and a zombie like shuffle. Paul and Jordan ask "what happened?" Kevin says "Well he was snoring so loud that I couldn't fall asleep at all, so I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night, Paul rooms with Kyle. The next morning, his eyes are bloodshot and his hair is a wild mess. He says "Kyle was snoring so loud last night, that instead of sleeping I sat up and stared at him all night." Night 3 is Jordan's turn. Jordan is an ex-football player weighing about 250 pounds. The next morning, he walks into the living room with bright eyes and a spring in his step. Paul and Kevin, obviously surprised, ask him how the more...

All members of Mensa have I.Q.s of at least 140.
At one Mensa convention, several members at a local cafe noticed the shaker with an S on top, for salt, contained pepper and their pepper shaker, with a P on top, was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling anything and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, here was the marvellous Mensa mystery!
They presented ideas, debated them, and finally came up with what they felt was a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
They called the blonde waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.
"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker contains..."
"Oh, sorry!" interrupted the blonde waitress. "Here," and she unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effor
- Herm Albright -

Editor's Note: These are, naturally, from the era of the Bush administration...

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Draft The Bush Twins

Don't Mess With Mesopotamia

War Is SO 20th Century

When Bush Comes To Shove

Brains Not Bombs

War Is A Dick Thing, Peace Is A Heart Thing

George Dubya: Weapon Of Mass Distraction

Beat The Bushes For Peace

Weapons Of Mass Destruction: Look Under The Bushes

Drop Bush, Not Bombs

Bombing For Peace Is Like F*cking For Virginity

Evolve! Work For A Non-violent Future

If War Is The Answer, We're Asking The Wrong Question

Killing Innocent People Is The Problem, Not The Solution

Save America, Spare Iraq, Make Texas Take Him Back

Real Patriots Drive Hybrids

Drop Names, Not Bombs

Who Would Jesus Bomb?

Stop Mad Cowboy Disease

George Bush more...

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews, and are normally accompanied by a response from the maintenance worker.
(Don't let these scare you about air travel any more than any other tidbits you hear in the news.)
From the "squawk sheets":
Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #2: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1,#3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Solution: "IT DOES NOW"
Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit"
Problem: more...