Somebody Jokes / Recent Jokes

I always wanted to be somebody, but I guess I should have been more specific.

Don't Forget to read the "Fine Print"

PRE-RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT:


The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him") being of sound mind and a bit overweight body:

1) FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet terminated. Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a more...

~~~ Kid's Answers to questions on Marriage ~~~

What exactly is marriage? (Too many adults can't answer this!)
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to
give her back to her parents!"
- Eric, 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose
to the girl. He says to her,' I'll take you for a whole life,
or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to
do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's
wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not.
She can't wait to find out."
- Anita, 9

Picky! Picky! How does a person decide whom to marry?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails
means you try the next one."
- Kally, 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind.... That's what
I'll do.... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
- more...

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

ABC "America's Mickey Mouse Network"
Allstate "Sears-ious Insurance"
AOL "We've Got You by the Wires"
AT&T "No, WE'VE Got You by the Wires"
Burger King "Wait for It Your Way"
CBS "Welcome Home. Hey, Where the Hell Is Everyone?"
Chevrolet "GEO Whiz, We Like Toyota"
Chrysler "The Mercedes-Benz of American Cars"
Coca-Cola "New Coke Was Pepsi's Idea"
Democratic National Party "Bill Clinton? Never Heard of Him"
Disney "Available in Stores for a Limited Time Only"
Eveready "Nothing Really Keeps on Going Forever"
Ford "Quality is Somebody Else's Job"
Ernest & Julio Gallo: "We Will Have No Hangover before Its Time"
General Electric "We're a Lot Like RCA"
Honda "Just As Good As Hyundai. Really"
IBM "Windows Is Just a Fad"
JERZEES "Fit to a T"
KIA more...

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

What Exactly Is Marriage?" Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, six years old"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her,' I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, nine years oldHow Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?" You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, nine years old"My mother says to look for a man who is kind.... That's what I'll do.... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, eight years oldConcerning the Proper Age to Get Married"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, five years oldHow Did Your Mom more...