Somebody Jokes / Recent Jokes
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
This is a story of four people called Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was some important work that had to be done, and Everybody was sure that
Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody
got angry because of this, since it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought
Anybody could do it, but Nobody understood that Everybody wouldn't do it. It
ended with Everybody blaming Somebody as Nobody did what Anybody could have
done.
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. .. you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's rooms," and several other names.As with any exclusive organization, wholly half the human race aren't allowed through the door, and a number of exceedingly complicated customs have arisen to maintain a sense of order and dignity.General rules:1. Don't talk to somebody you don't know. You may chat quietly with an acquaintance, but must absolutely not call attention to yourself.2. A quick glance in the mirror is permissible, but absolutely don't spend a significant time arranging hair, clothing, etc. Zit popping is only permissible after checking to see nobody else is around.3. No profanity of any kind. This is reserved for locker rooms, only.4. If you must wait, form a single-file line, ragged, and be sure to keep looking more...
Their Weare 3 Friens Somebody Nobody And Mad Ones Upon A Time Somebody Fight With Nobody Then Mad Phone Police And Said
Somebady Is Fighting With Nobody Then The Police Asked Are You Mad Then He Told How Did You Guess?
BEER TROUBLESHOOTING
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: more...
"What does love mean?" These are answers from 4 to 8 year olds.When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
Rebecca - age 8When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths.
Billy - age 4Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Kari - age 5Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Chrissy - age 6Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
Terri - age 4Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK.
Danny - age 7Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you more...