Something Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last year at Christmas time, my mom went to my sister’s house for the
traditional holiday feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick.
She told my sister that she needed something from the store and asked if my
sister wouldn’t mind going out to get it.
When my sister left the house, mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the
mixed stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey… then
re-stuffed the turkey.
She then placed the bird(s) back into the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and
proceeded to remove the stuffing.
When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the smaller
bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Barbara, you’ve
cooked a pregnant bird! ”
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry hysterically.
It took the more...

An appendix is something found in the back of a book.
Sometimes they get in people and have to be taken out.

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy".
"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven".
Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning".
Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!"
"Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after more...

If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

This urban legend is said to happen to the "King of Shoemakers" Tomas Bata. (He was as important to Czech industry as Henry Ford I to the American one.)
Bata was driving through the country and suddenly he realized that something was wrong with his car. Fearing that he might get stuck in the road he stopped at a village and asked for help. The villains directed him to the local blacksmith.
The blacksmith inspected the engine, did something and the car was OK. Then he asked for 100 crowns. Bata was a bit discontent with paying so much money for a minute's work, so he asked for a detailed bill.
The blacksmith took a pencil and a scrap of paper and wrote:
fastened a screw: 2.00
knew which one: 98.00
--
total: 100.00

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students.
As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!"
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"There is no Nitrogen in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
The moon is a planet just like the earth, more...