Southern Jokes / Recent Jokes

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."And finally, he cried, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down.After a few moments, the song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River'."

Northerners visiting the South Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles:
1. If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
3. Remember: “Y’all” is singular, “All y’all” is plural, and “All y’alls’” is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing “You ain’t from around here, are ya? ”
5. You may hear a Southerner say “Oughta! ” to a dog or child. This is short for “Y’all oughta not do that! ” and is the equivalent of saying “No! more...

Whats the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

What's the difference between a Northern and a Southern Fairytale? A Northern Fairytale begins with... "Once Upon A Time..." A Southern Fairytale begins with... "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
A northern fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairy tale begins, "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this..."

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? A Northern zoo has the name of the animal listed on the cage. A Southern zoo has the name of the animal listed on the cage, along with the recipe.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..."

A southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."