Southern Jokes / Recent Jokes
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be serving the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population on earth, my contract has been renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves. I now serve only certain areas of Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Ohio and Wisconsin.
As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind.
However, I am certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. While he shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls, there are a few differences between us...
There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. Bubba has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.
Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that more...
A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully. I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. 1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads: ''These toys insured by Smith and more...
A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.
Please read the following carefully.
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
there are a few differences between us...
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads:
"These more...
A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.Please read the following carefully.I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us...1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads:"These toys insured by Smith and more...
This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom, "Oh yuck!!" she proclaimed as she ponted it to her new husbandAs he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and asked "What they don't use those things where you come from?" "Yeah," she said "but we don't skin 'em!"
...if you think God's presence is always strongest in the back three pews.
...if you think John the Baptist founded the Southern Baptist Convention.. ..if you think "Amazing Grace" is the national anthem.. ..if the first complete sentence you uttered was "We've never done it this way before.". ..if you judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.. ..if your definition of "fellowship" has something to do with food.. ..if you ever wonder when Lottie Moon and Annie Armstrong will be paid off.. ..if you honestly believe the Apostle Paul spoke King James English. ..if you think worship service music has to be loud.. ..if you think Jesus actually used Welch's grape juice and saltine crackers.. ..if you think preachers who wear robes are in Cahoots with the communists.. ..if you judge the quality of a service by the length of the service. And finally, if you ever wake up in the middle of the night craving fried chicken more...