Soviet Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Soviet emigres are used to sitting in the dark.

Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, and a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to force the bulb in with a hammer, one to steal more bulbs, one to ask NYANA for a bigger hammer.

(Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev and Foreign Secretary Eduard Shevardnadze
met on the eve of the recent super-power summit.)
"What can we do to impress the Americans?" Gorbachev asked
Shevardnadze.
Replied the foreign secretary: "Well, we could open the gates of
the Soviet Union for 24 hours."
"Don't be crazy," Gorbachev replied. "Everybody would go and
it would leave only the two of us sitting here."
"Speak for yourself," shot back Shevardnadze.

What does the M. D. after a name of a Soviet emigre physician stand for? Mentally deficient.

So Gorbachev decided that now that he was on top, it was time
to impress his ancient mother. He sent his private helicopter out to
the small town where she lived to pick her up. He met her with a
fleet of limos in Red Square.
So, mama. It's good to see you here in Moscow! Come, we eat!
She said nothing about the flight, and followed quietly into his
limo. He took her to the best restaurant in town, where they were served
by an army of waiters. The food was superb, the wine the best money
could buy. She said nothing.
You like the dinner? Come. We fly to my Dacha for drinks.
The chopper picked them up and delivered them to the steps of a
magnificent building, secluded in the outskirts of the city. Waiters
in white coats were waiting, and proceeded to serve them with the
best Cognac and liquor available.
They sat sipping on the porch, looking out over the view.
So, mama. You don't say anything. Aren't you proud of more...

A Soviet visitor to Budapest says to his Hungarian host, "You must have such
terrible shortages." The astonished Hungarian asks why he thinks so. The
Soviet visitor replies, "Because you have no queues!"
From Suddenly, The American Idea at Home and Abroad, George F. Will,
1990, The Free Press, New York.