Space Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in
his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting
for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I
was going to park there!"
The man was a real smart ass and he said, "That's what you can do when
you're young and bright."
Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed
it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.
The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?"
The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're
old and rich!"

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were all ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space. As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey One. Do your stuff.'' At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off. Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey Two. Do your stuff.'' At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle seperated from the empty fuel tanks. Another two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to the astronaut...'' At this the astronaut shouted ''I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything.''

A Native Alien surveys the scene, and sheds a single tear.

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. She was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man, being a real smart alec, said, "Oh, well, that's what you can do when you're young and bright."
This made the lady even angrier, so she got in her car, backed up, pressed on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes. The young man raced back to his car and exclaimed, "What did you go and do that for?"
The little old lady replied, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"

Newsflash

Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to "Moft" -- which will clear up space on user's hard disks. It is estimated that a typical Windows 95 installation contains about 2, 800, 000 copies of the word "Microsoft", in copyright notices, end-user licence agreements,' About' screens, etc. So, after the change, a user will have about 14 MBytes more disk space. Stock prices of hard-disk manufacturers dipped slightly after the announcement.

"Well, the programs will take up less space on the user's disk," said Bill Gates, CEO of Moft. "But we have never cared about that. The change will allow us to ship Windows 95 on 13 disks instead of 14, thus saving about $50 million a year in media costs. We are also looking at shortening the names of some of our software products; for instance' The Microsoft Exchange' may be changed to' The Moft Pit'.

Gates added that the junior programmer who discovered more...

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. She was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man, being a real smart alec, said, "Oh, well, that's what you can do when you're young and bright."
This made the lady even angrier, so she got in her car and while backing up, pressed on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes. The young man raced back to his car and exclaimed, "What did you go and do that for?"
The little old lady smiled and replied, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally
uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters' UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what' UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. more...