Special Jokes / Recent Jokes
A department store had to call off its special summer sale in August because of a conflict - its Christmas sale was beginning two days later.
Ebonics Version of Windows' 98 Ebonics Version of Windows' 98 Debuts!
Microsoft has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows 98, titled "It be a fresh Window." It has been leaked to several suburbs, causing confusion for unsuspecting users.
There are numerous differences between Windows 98 and the Ebonics version.
When opening the Ebonics version, the familiar windows chime is replaced With a "phat getto track that melts' em down wit dope-ass bass," The opening screen features a Windows logo that is spray painted on a brick wall - along with several gangsta signs, slogans and shout outs.
On the main screen, My Computer is replaced with "Dis My Shit."
The Recycle Bin has been replaced with a Goodwill dumpster.
If users are logged on to a network, the Network Neighborhood is replaced With "Da Hood."
Users have their choice of two animated screen savers: "Marquee," a lil' G spray- painting more...
A man on a business trip in Mexico decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little dive next to the venue called "The Matador".
As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer.
The dish is spaghetti with these two huge meat balls. When the waiter comes to his table, he inquires. "That is the Matador Special" replies the waiter. "Spaghetti and Bull testicles. We get them after the bull fight. It is exquisite!"
"That's what I'll have!", says the businessman.
"I'm very sorry senor, but that dish is only available once per day".
Disappointed, the man orders another dish and plans to try again the next day.
So again, the next day he goes to the bull fights, and afterwards stops into the dive. Just as the waiter is coming to his table, he sees another waiter bringing the "Matador Special" to another customer who was more...
A middle aged woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work.
The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on' special'.
Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming! "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager goes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!" And doing so draws an even more HUGE crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying more...
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. 3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. 4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. 5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. 6. Stock up and save. Limit: one. 7. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. 8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. 9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. 10. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. 11. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children = $2. 0012. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. 13. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. 14. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. 15. For more...
Copied from Ann Lander's Column:
Landers: Santa's `official' visit has special Claus in military directives.
DEAR Ann Landers: I found this on the Internet and thought it was a hoot. I hope you will print it for Christmas. -- Steve Online
Dear Steve: Although the Internet has attracted an amazing amount of garbage, it has also made a great deal of valuable information available to millions of people. Thanks for your charming contribution. Here it is:
This in from retired Air Force Brig. Gen. Bob Clements. Please read.
To: All Retired Military Personnel
Subject: Official Command Visit
This office has been informed of an official visit by Gen. Santa Claus to this base on 25 December. The following directives will govern activities of personnel during this visit: No creatures will stir without official permission. This will include all native mice. Special stirring permits will be obtained through the orderly room.
Personnel will settle their more...
USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"