Specialist Jokes / Recent Jokes
What''s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
Brahma: Systems Installation
Vishnu: Systems Support
Lakshmi: Finance and Accounts
consultant (SAP)
Shiva: DBA (crash specialist)
Ganesh: Documentation specialist
Narada: Data Transfer
Brihaspathi: Chief Information Officer.
Yama: ReOrganisation Consultant
ChitraGupta: Personnel Records
Apsaras: Downloadable Viruses
Devas: Y2k Programmers
Surya: Solaris adminstrator
Rakshasas: In house Hackers
Ram: Hardware Support -
single user
specialist
Lakshman: Support software and
Backup
Ravan: Internet Explorer - WWW
Hanuman: RS6000
A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.
“I need to take that walkman off your head, ” says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.
“You can’t! I’ll die! ” retorts the blonde.
“I can’t cut your hair with the walkman on your ears! ” says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.
“I said you can’t take it off, or I’ll die! ”
The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating “breath in, breath out, breath in”.
A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies.
"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...."
He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear".
"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"
"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".
Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you more...
Santa Goes To An Eye Specialist And Asks Him For A Pair Of Glasses. He Chooses A Frame And Then Asks The Specialist, "Will I Be Able To Read After I Wear These Glasses?"
"Sure!" Says The Specialist.
"Good!" Replies Santa."I Have Been Illiterate All These Years!"
A married couple is having problems so they go to counseling. They sit down with the specialist and the wife points out the numerous problems with their marriage. After about 10 minutes, the specialist gets up, walks over to the wife and kisses her passionately. Then he tells the husband "now sir, if this happens 3 times a week your wife will feel much better about herself and your relationship."
The man says; "well I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but I go out drinking on Fridays."
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None' o yo' freakin' bitness! Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis. Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb? A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs. Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Both of them. Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in and the other to say ``Fabulous.'Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: How many can you afford? Q: How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man. Q: How many teamsters does more...