Species Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Coca-cola was originally green. 2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury. 3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever. 4. Dumbest dog: Afghan5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters. 6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better. 7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 28. Amount American Airlines saved in' 87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: $40, 0009. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 412. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/1213. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%15. Estimated % of American adults who go on diet each year: 44%16. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-3317. Average number of days a West German goes more...
Q: What's the difference between a laywer and a vulture?
A: Laywer aren't an endangerd species.
One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange looking fish. A man was walking by and said, "WOW!! What a nice Gauddam Fish!"The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain." The man said, "But that's the SPECIES of the fish --- a Gauddam Fish." The sister said, "Oh, ok." The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior, look at the Gauddam Fish I caught." Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that." The nun said, "That's the species of it --- a Gauddam Fish." So the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it." While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and MotherSuperior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sistercaught." Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn"t talk like that!" Mother Superior said, "But that's the species of it --- a more...
One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange looking fish.A man was walking by and said, "WOW! What a nice Gauddam Fish!"The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain." The man said, "But that's the SPECIES of the fish - a Gauddam Fish." The sister said, "Oh, ok."The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior, look at the Gauddam Fish I caught."Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that."The nun said, "That's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish."So the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it."While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and MotherSuperior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sistercaught."Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn"t talk like that!" Mother Superior said, "But that's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish." more...
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300, 000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3. 5 children per household, that's 91. 8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822. 6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump more...
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 1 in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle certain children due to various religious beliefs, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump more...
If Scientists Wrote Nursery Rhymes How many can you solve? (Answers below)1. A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologicprotuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement ofa sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact sizeof which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitantly descended, sustaining severe fractural damage to the upper cranial portion of hisanatomical structure. Subsequently, the second member of the teamperformed a self-rotational translation oriented in the direction takenby the first member.2. Complications arose during an investigation of dietary influence: oneresearcher was unable to assimilate adipose tissue and another was unableto consume tissue consisting chiefly of muscle fiber. By reciprocalarrangement between the two researchers, total consumption of the viandsunder consideration was achieved, this leaving the original container ofthe viands devoid of contents.3. A young male human was situated more...