Species Jokes / Recent Jokes

"What's the difference between the North American porcupine
and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the
zookeeper.
"The principal difference is the North American species has a
longer prick."
This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who
stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office. The zoo
manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate
choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the
North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their
pricks are just about the same size."

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300, 000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of3. 5 children per household, that's91. 8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. 3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to822. 6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down more...

Lost in the woods, a hiker spends two days wandering around with no food. finally, he spots a bald eagle, hits the bird with a big rock and eats it. a ranger sees him and arrests the man for killing an endangered species.
In court, the hiker explains that he was on the edge of starvation and had no choice.
"Considering the circumstances, I find you not guilty," says the judge, "but I have to ask you-what did the bird taste like?"
"Well, Your Honor," the hiker replies, "It tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl."

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Now Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla.
So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500. He responded that he was interested but would have to think the matter over.
The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions: "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her," more...

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Now Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla.So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500. He responded that he was interested but would have to think the matter over.The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions: "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her," and more...

1. Coca-cola was originally green.
2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever.
4. Dumbest dog: Afghan
5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2
8. Amount American Airlines saved in' 87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: $40, 000
9. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
12. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
15. Estimated % of American adults who go on diet each year: 44%
16. Barbie's more...

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright. So, the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.

Mike was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla for five hundred bucks? Mike showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.' First,' he said,' I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do more...