Specimens Jokes / Recent Jokes

Workplace Hazardous materials Information System
Substance: Women
Chemical system: Wow
Manufacturer: God
Typical Size: Average weight 115 lbs; specimens can vary from 90 to 200 lbs.
Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface Tension - Soft and warm
2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
3. Boils at nothing.
4. Freezes without reason.
5. Melts with special reason.
6. Flavour initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore.
8. Yields to pressure applied at certain points.
9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has affinity for gold, silver and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantity of expensive more...

Element: Man
Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole)
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some
isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day
when she had a craving for ribs)
Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo,
often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties
Surface often covered with hair bristly in some areas, soft in others.
Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common
Sense,
melts if treated like a God.
Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with
Wo.
Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive
to
extremely thick.
Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
When more...

Man - A Chemical Analysis
Element: Man Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole) Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4inches. Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs) Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties: a) Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others. b) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God. c) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol). d) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution. e) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore... zzzzz). f) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature. g) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick. h) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year. i) Often damaged as a more...

Man - A Chemical AnalysisElement: Man Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole) Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4inches. Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs) Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.Physical properties: a) Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others. b) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God. c) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol). d) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution. e) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore... zzzzz). f) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature. g) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick. h) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year. i) Often damaged as a direct more...