Speeds Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know weve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I dont want you to try to talk me out of it, because Ive been having an affair with your best friend, and hes a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until hes up to 80 mph. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there an ything you want?" The husband says, "No, Ive got everything I more...

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.
Again the wife speeds up to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you more...

THE BRITISH CONSPIRACY THEORY Just for the sake of argument, hear me out.
I have a theory. Tell me what you think of it:
Diana is alive.
The entire thing was a hoax. The World's Most Photographed Person finally
got them off her back. It took a lot of money and a great deal of
persuasion but Diana and Al-Fayed could easily have supplied both. Check
these facts out:
1. Nobody has seen any images of Diana's corpse.
2. The' eye-witnesses' who claimed to have seen the crash could very well
have been paid to say what they did.
3. The initial' suspects' were the paparazzi. If they were made to seem
responsible for the' accident' then the world would revile them and no-one
would be indecent enough to buy and publish the pictures thus assuring
that no documentary proof of the crash ever gets seen. And even if there
were pictures of Diana in a wrecked Merc they could easily have been
fabricated beforehand, what with more...